Life

My how time flies!

Well I am sure you may have noticed that I have been a little MIA around here lately.  I cannot believe that it is November already! I swear is was just April a couple months ago.  Things on my end have been a bit crazy, we had a huge project come up at work which meant I was just working like crazy over the summer and then it was extension time for taxes and that ended in October and here we are at the start of November.  So I am finally to a point where I can breath and wanted to swing by and give you a glimpse into the last few months.

First up I want to give a quick update on the Etsy shop! Things have been going really well, I am not crazy busy but things are selling.  I kind of like it this way where I am getting an order here and there.  It allows me time to make sure that I am not rushing products out the door.  I will say that the best thing so far in my shop has got to be the Instax Mini Albums.  I can’t keep them in stock!  Which makes me so happy, and also means that I am working on a new cover designs which I hope to have up before Thanksgiving.  As well as a whole new size album which I think should be created just in time for the crazy soon holiday season!  So be sure to keep checking in on the Etsy shop over the next month or so for new products.  If you have twitter you can click on the side bar to the right and follow me and/or if you are big on Instagram be sure to follow me at TheBlurredLinesofSanity. I post pictures of new items as well as behind the scene type photos, a sneak peek of Instagram is also located on the right hand side.

I also want to let you guys know that I have taken up a new hobby of knitting.  No it isn’t just for little old ladies, I honestly had no clue how relaxing this hobby would be.  Then it wasn’t until I was a few projects in that I came to terms with the fact that I have been sucked in.  I started learning to knit back in early summer, I can’t even tell you how it started other than I tried about 7 yrs ago to knit and I did fine but it just never stuck.  But this time I picked up those needles and I haven’t been able to put them down.  I have managed to knit a pair of socks, a blanket, a scarf, & two hats completely.  I am still working on 2 sweaters; these are my down fall so far, because I work on them then put them down to do some other project that I can complete quickly since a sweater is no small feat and they take forever.  But I am sure once they are completed they will be some of my favorite things.  So don’t be surprised if in the coming months there are some knitting related posts.  I signed up for Yarnbox, which is a monthly yarn subscription where they send out a surprise yarn based off what you set as your preferences.  Since I am a few months in I think I am going to start doing reviews on the boxes I get/got.  I would also like to do some posts on just the things that I am working on so that other new knitters can see how things come a long.  I know I like looking at others knitting projects and ideas while I am trying to figure something out.  If you are on Ravelry you can find me here.  I am still learning how to fully use this site but it has been fun seeing all the patterns and getting to see notes from people who have made the item before.

If you have taken up a new hobby or even picked up an old one let me know in the comments! I would love to hear what everyone has been doing or what you are going to be doing through the end of 2014!  I have some posts planned over the coming weeks so please bear* with me as I get back on track!

*Full disclosure I totally had to look up if it was “bear” or “bare” and I learned you use bear because it is for forbearance which completely makes sense once I read it. If I used bare I would basically be asking you to get undressed with me.  So there is that tidbit for the day.

 

Quick Note

Hi guys! I promise that I am still alive and working on the blog, just in the hidden back room.  My day job unfortunately has me under piles of paper leaving very little time to get things posted and up.  But since it has been awhile since I posted I wanted to swing in and give you a glimpse into what has been happening in that hidden back room.

Things are in full design mode for my upcoming Etsy shop; I am working on some stamped metal jewelry as well as screen printed notebooks.  I am just trying to narrow down a few designs and will get the shop listed hopefully by the end of next month; with a few select pieces just to see how things go.  I have been trying to find the right materials for the jewelry because there are just so many options out there I am still trying to learn which are the best quality.  The notebooks I have already waiting to be printed I am just trying to decide if I want to print them as they are ordered or all at once.  It’s funny what goes through your mind when you are starting an Etsy shop.

I have also been dealing with the fun oddities of owning a home.  I tried to buy a new fridge since the current one I have is just not working for me anymore.  I went and picked out this lovely new Kenmore Elite Grab-N-Go fridge from the Sears Outlet.  It had a couple dents in it but I was told they are totally functioning.  So I bit the bullet and bought it saving approximately $2500 on the cost because it had a couple dents.  Well a week later on Valentine’s day I was patiently waiting for my lovely new fridge to get there.  It of course did and I was so excited, it got hooked up and looked all pretty in my kitchen.  But that was were the fun ended, while the installer was testing the water line nothing was happening.  Fast forward 5 mins I notice that water is now on my floor but we can figure out where it is coming from.  He was checking the line on the back and it wasn’t dripping.  That is when I decide to open the french doors and was greeted by a rush of water.  The fridge had been collecting water inside the entire time we were pushing the water button on the outside.  Needless to say I had to send my Valentine’s present to myself back and I am stuck with my boring fridge until after tax season.  When I will have more time to take time off of work for deliveries.

On the tail end of this delivery when they were turning the water off and on under my sink it loosened up something and I got a leak.  Which of course I didn’t know about until a week later when I went in for dishwasher soap.  I managed to narrowed down the leak and kind of knew what I needed to do in order to fix it.  But that meant I would need to head to Lowe’s where I get to be that girl wandering around with no clue where to go in the home improvement store.  I stood and stared at the wall of valves for what seemed like forever until I saw an employee, unfortunately he had to pass me off to a gentlemen who was only moderately happy to help me.  I say moderately because he admitted it had been a long day for him and I could tell he really didn’t want to help me.  But he sucked it up and helped me find the right valve.  I went home all ready to switch the valve out and then quickly learned that while I have all the brains to do this I lack the brawn to complete the task at hand.  I did manage to put some teflon tape on the threads of where the leak was coming from and when I screwed the tube back on it seems to be holding the leak at bay.  But while the leak may have stopped I am still in need of replacing the valve because I sense that when I get a new fridge again this could happen all over again and I want to prevent that.  So lucky for me I have a step-dad who has the brawn to come over and get the valve off the wall for me sometime in the near future.

Of course all of this is happening during the busiest time of year for me at work.  I am working crazy hours so I have to admit I am dead tired once I walk through my doors at night so I am a little slow at getting posts written.  Hopefully I will get a break and can get something up over the next few weeks.  So please stay tuned as I work through all these kinks!!

Looking Back on 2013

In just a few short days we will be embracing a brand new year! It seems like it was just January 2013 a few moments ago.  It is amazing how the years are just flying past, one moment you feel like you have months ahead of you and then you realize it is just days before 2014 shows up! I wanted to take some time out to reflect back on 2013 since it has just flown by and talk a bit about what I hope for 2014.

I will start with what I hope will be a bigger success in 2014 an update out on my Weight Watchers journey; 2013 didn’t go as planned for me at all.  I hoped I would be about 70 pounds down by time we got to the 31st of December but instead I am only down 29.5 pounds.  It was 30 but I gained weight a few weeks ago and I am slowly taking it off again.  Which really has been the typical story of this journey.  I spent a lot of the year doing this roller coaster of gain a pound, lose a pound, gain a pound, lose one, so on and so on.  It was/is very frustrating.  I would be doing everything right but still stay on that coaster which then after so many weeks of that it lead me to fall back into old habits.  I started ordering a lot of meals that start with a number, eating unhealthy snacks or not eating regularly at all. I also did the whole I still have X amount of months/weeks/days left of the year to get back on track.  Then bam it was the end of the year and here I am 40 pounds away from the goal. I am trying to not be too hard on myself about it, I mean we are all human and this wasn’t going to happen over night by any means and 30 pounds is still a nice chunk of weight to be gone.  I know that the journey wasn’t going to be easy no matter how much I wished it was which does make it easier for me to hopefully get back on track.  Even though it is not officially 2014 I have already started to get myself back on track, stocked up my fridge and pantry with all my favorite things.  Like Belvita breakfast biscuits in cinnamon brown sugar (tastes like graham crackers) and blueberry (tastes like a blueberry muffin in cookie form); the whole packet is 6 points which is great for a quick breakfast or hearty snack.  I have also been buying whole pineapples and cutting them up to fulfill that something sweet craving, keeping lemons & limes in my fruit basket at home to add to water so I avoid soda and actually getting at least 30 mins of exercise in a min of 3 times a week.  I hope to increase the workout time back to an hour a day but right now I am going into my busy season at work so I am starting small so hopefully I wont stop once work gets crazy.

I jumped back into this blog in 2013 officially and while many moons have passed I am still working out the kinks on making time for the blog and what content to put on it.  So I hope in this coming year I will become more regular at posting and get things more organized.  I really do enjoy blogging and sharing my life, crafts & food with everyone and want to make this a more regular thing.  I think I am my own worse enemy when it comes to it, because I have grand ideas and then I talk myself out of them and I need to learn that blogging is about being bold and I should really starting going with my gut no matter what!

In 2013 I took up screen printing and have really enjoyed it.  I don’t get to be too creative at work dealing with taxes and bookkeeping all day so it is nice to have an art hobby to do on the weekends.  I have been wanting to sell some of my screen printing items under the Blurred Lines name on Etsy, but for some reason I have been holding back and finding reasons to wait.  Here I am again being my own worst enemy.  I need to stop holding myself back, so hopefully in 2014 you will see some of the fun geeky items I have planned for purchase! Doctor Who fans need to defiantly watch out because they are going to love my Moleskine notebooks & t-shirts!

My next big crazy plan is to get my cupcake business up and running officially by the end of next year.  In 2013 Clark County finally adopted Cottage Law which allows people to make and sale items from their home.  Before this was illegal and everything had to be done in a commercial kitchen.  Which of course has always held me back, I don’t have enough clientele to warrant paying for space in a commercial kitchen. I am hoping that I can get things in order so that I can schedule a meeting and get my official license after this coming tax season so that I have the spring/summer time to get the marketing up and running officially.  This is something I want to do on the side and do not plan for it to be full time work, at least not right now. Who knows what will happen in the future.

2013 was also the year of change for me, I let some friendships go officially; which was a hard thing for me to come to terms with and I even struggle with it today.  Which is funny considering I know it was the right decision to walk away but at the same time it is never easy to lose someone you care about.  I can say that luckily while I was struggling with the loss of one friend an old friend who I had lost touch with came out of the woodwork which I am grateful for because she was a good friend and it great to see that we can overcome the past and reconnect.  So here’s to 2014 bringing in new friendships, fostering old friendships, and maybe a boyfriend or two.  😉

No matter how much change went on in 2013 the year itself was pretty good; I got to go to Cozumel Mexico for the first time, saw my first whole dinosaur skeleton, saw a space shuttle up close (it’s smaller than I thought), and even managed to move a step up within my job.  So it certainly was a good year for me but I am very ready for the New Year!  Leave me a comment below telling me about your 2013 and what do you have planned for 2014? Or tell me what did you plan to do in 2013 that you just didn’t get finished, that now you are determined to do in 2014?  I can’t wait to hear from you! Happy New Year everyone!!

Thanksgiving Madness

This coming Thanksgiving will be my third time cooking the big meal all by myself.  You would think that I would be relaxed and know what I am doing; which is so not the case!  For some reason this Thanksgiving has me all frazzled.  I am researching how to time out the dinner so things stay warm and when to pop which dish in the oven with what.  It is like a well choreographed dance routine that someone has yet to teach me.

For a little perspective and because every person that has cooked a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal has at least one crazy oh my goodness story.  I want to let you into my kitchen for last Thanksgiving.  I was cooking dinner for my folks, great aunt, and two of my friends, this is a total of 6 people including myself.  Seems simple enough, I got myself a fresh 15 lb turkey so I wouldn’t have to deal with defrosting and that I would be able to brine the turkey.  (Fun Fact: you can’t brine a frozen turkey because they put saline inside the bird to help them freeze faster so you would get an extremely salty bird, if you brined it)  It is now Turkey day it started out easy, woke up took the bird out gave it its bath and then popped that baby in the oven.  I then made my butter wine basting mixture and got to roasting.  I basted every 30 mins and my bird started turning that gorgeous brown color and things were just peachy.  Then I got a call from my friend who said they decided that they were going to go to their coworkers house instead of mine; so here I was a planned dinner for 6 turned into 4.  The upside is at least there would be less people not more at my dinner, but that still sucked to hear the day of.  So I am back to basting and thinking of all the yummy leftovers we will have, then bam out of nowhere the bird was unexpectedly done! What!? How can it be done it should have at least one more hour to go, and my guests aren’t going to be here for over an hour.  So here I was frantically calling my parents telling them to get over here because the turkey was done early.  Which then meant that I had to rush to cook everything else because I thought I had a whole hour left to cook the sides.  So I am sure your thinking this doesn’t seem that exciting or funny; and you are right up until this point it isn’t unless you could see me trying to get a hold of the folks; who of course aren’t answering their phones, running around my kitchen boiling water for potatoes, trying to get the bread out of the can and into crescent rolls, and then ultimately forgetting to get the gravy started.  All while trying to keep the bird covered so it would stay warm while I waited for my step-dad to get there and carve that sucker.  Because this girl still has no clue hot to carve a turkey or chicken without it just being chunks.

So here I am with a dinner done too early and the sides only partially done when everyone finally gets to the house.  I get them into their seats and start laying all the food out that was done, while finishing the gravy that I initially forgot about.  Then we eat and it is all delicious even with all the chaos.  Now stay with me, I still haven’t gotten to my crazy funny Thanksgiving story.  We finish our meal and I enlist my step-dad to finish taking the bird down to the bone so we can put the leftovers in the fridge.  He is happily carving away and pulling the meat off then all of a sudden he stops and asks if the meat looks cooked.  I was like what are you talking about of course it is cooked it was the right temp and we already finished eating.  Well it turns out that the top 7/8ths of the bird was cooked but the bottom portion was not.  So even though the turkey said it was done and registered at the right temp it wasn’t actually cooked all the way.  Now the crazy part is how does the bottom of the bird be the only part that doesn’t cook?  This is closest to the heating element of my stove.  Also this wasn’t the first time I have ever cooked a turkey it was my second, and the first one was perfect if I do say so myself, so I had no doubts that I could manage a turkey last year.  Well obviously I can only manage 7/8ths of a turkey.

Which brings me to this Thanksgiving, I think I am freaking out and am unable to focus because I am scared I am going to only cook 7/8ths of my turkey this year and I really do not want to repeat that.  But the other issue I am thinking about is how do you keep the turkey warm while you cook all the other sides.  Every blog post I read says they let their turkey rest from 30 mins to an hour before carving and it is still hot.  How is this possible?  I can’t even let a whole chicken rest sitting covered on my counter keep warm for 15 mins.  So how do these people manage a whole hour?

Luckily I get a little reprieve because football controls our family life and the Green Bay Packers are playing Thanksgiving Day my parents and I will be at the local Packer bar to watch the game.  Which means we will be having our Thanksgiving on Friday, which allows me one extra day to do things.  Especially since as of today I still haven’t done a single ounce of shopping; but I have made multiple shopping lists so that is a step in the right direction. I think.  I am planning to make the stuffing from scratch for the first time, brine my turkey for at least 24hrs, and bake my first apple pie in years.  Since I am freaking out I am considering making the mashed potatoes in the crockpot.  A lot of the recipes I read online seem to really like the set it and forget it approach, but at the same time what if they suck then I don’t have any potatoes.  I think I need someone to tell me to calm the heck down things will be fine and who cares really.  Worse case scenario we have to go out and eat.

So what is one of your oh my goodness stories or do you have a tried and true tip to make the turkey day schedule a breeze? Please leave me a comment below so I know I am not the only one freaking out over how to accomplish a holiday meal!

Breaking Away From Facebook

I am just going to assume it is safe to say that if you are reading this you have a Facebook account.  Who doesn’t these days?  Pretty much every business, person, and pet has one.  Hearing that someone doesn’t have one is so rare that when we do hear it we are shocked.  Which brings me to today’s post, I have decided to leave Facebook behind and break away.  You know what?  It isn’t as easy as it sounds.  You would think that all you need to do is deactivate/delete your account.  In theory you are right, but before you can do that you have to take into account the pages you’ve created or websites you use with that login.  Which of course I do both, so that means no deactivating my account because I still need to get to these pages/websites.  But before I go into all that lets go back to why I decided to do this.

Recently I have started to notice that Facebook has become more of an irritation rather than a fun way to keep up with everyone.  It use to be so nice to see what people where doing; whether it was traveling, getting married, or having babies.  You got to be a part of things even if you couldn’t be there in person.  It started out this way but over the last year I would catch myself scrolling through my news feed just trying to see what people were saying but could rarely see these statuses because they were clouded by all the ads, game suggestions, sponsored likes and the shared photos from other pages.  It has become about the money versus the people.  Most of my feed has now resorted to people just reposting photos from other pages versus a status.  Then you add that most of the other social apps like Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest link to Facebook accounts so you then have to deal with all those posts on Facebook and if you use those apps on there as well.  It was so much over kill that I noticed I was getting more and more irritated each time I logged on to Facebook.  Every time I had to scroll past a sponsored ad or like I would just cringe.  You would think that if I noticed myself getting irritated that I would just stop checking but at that point it was part of the routine that I just couldn’t help myself.  I caught myself checking Facebook randomly without even really thinking about it on my phone; I would check it in the morning and all through the night.  It was like it was a habit or even an addiction.  I had to click the app and see what was going on.  I would say to myself something interesting has to be going on then I would click and find out that it was just e-cards and political posts over and over again.

I then began to notice that the app for the iPhone was acting weird it was showing me posts that were three days old which I had already seen.  Then I would get these random notifications that a friend was doing something somewhere in the city that I have no connection to.  It was becoming a thorn in my side and I was no longer getting anything from being logged on and that was when I decided I needed to take a step back.  I started with first saying  “I am not going to check Facebook for the rest of the evening”, then I would catch myself an hour later clicking the app on my phone during a commercial.  I tried this for a couple days failing each time and ending up back on the app.  I eventually got to a couple days ago where I decided to take the leap and delete the app from my phone.  Hopefully preventing me from accessing without thinking.  Honestly that was really liberating; it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  Who would have thought that something so simple would have that effect.  I do catch myself zombie like trying to go to the app but then realize the app is gone and put the phone down.

While I made it through the next few nights, and was very happy about that.  It was nice to not have it as part of the evening.  I do have to admit I did ended up checking Facebook the next morning approximately 13 hours after I deleted the app while at work.  I was not surprised at all that I hadn’t missed anything because that is exactly what happened I didn’t miss a thing, it was still all ads, sponsored likes, game requests and shared e-card pics.  I ended up checking a couple times throughout the day while at work out of habit but I quickly closed the tab and moved on.  Even as I write this post I will admit I looked this morning at Facebook after going almost 24 hours and it still is exactly the same and I am not missing things at all.  It is a bit easier to not check it, especially since I am seeing that there is nothing special going on.  People are still posting all the same things that I am just not interested in anymore.

Now at this point you are probably saying why not just delete you account and move on.  Which trust me I want to do, but I don’t think people realize how connected everything today has become to Facebook.  For me I manage my jobs page on Facebook; so in order to do this I have to be logged on as me so I can get to the admin page.  So I am bound to it through Facebook.  Then you have to think about all the other things that Facebook links to, like Pinterest.  My account is linked to Facebook.  Well I like Pinterest so if I get rid of Facebook will I loose my pins and have to start over?  Even Groupon & Living Social allow you to access their sites with Facebook login, well if you don’t have an account you can no longer access those things.  The other way that I have noticed the take over of Facebook has been through blog contests.  A lot of the contests that I have seen late require you to Like their page on Facebook in order to gain an entry in their contest.  In general even when I enjoyed Facebook I didn’t do those type of entries because I didn’t want to share all my Facebook information with the blog.  I have always thought about the fact that each time you use that login somewhere you are sharing that information.  We do it so easily these days that we begin to get blinded by how far Facebook’s reach has gone.

Now I am not against social media as a whole, I am a big lover of Twitter and Instagram.  I still use them daily but because they are only really focused on one to two things I find them easier to enjoy.  I don’t cringe or feel irritated about their content so it keeps me going back.  So how do you feel about Facebook these days?  Do you still love all the changes and find that it is a great site?  Or are you like me struggling with the choice to leave?  Leave me a comment and tell me your perspective!

Life Lesson #1

I read this blog post this week that has really stuck with me.  It was over at A Life Less Bullshit; written by the very talented Nicole.  I have been reading her blog for years and she always has this way of saying things that just make you think.  Plus it doesn’t hurt that she isn’t afraid to use all caps and cussing which of course enhances her writing not distract from it, because it just shows you how human she is.  While I have been a fan of hers for awhile nothing has stuck out to me more than her post titled “Do Whatever You Fucking Want”.  I mean right there in the title it is pretty straight forward and so simple; yet so hard to follow.  Which has got me thinking; am I doing whatever I fucking want to do?

I have always seemed to pander to people in my life in some way.  I do what they want to do, hide the way I feel, don’t talk about what is going on with me because they need me to listen to them, and find excuses for why they treat me the way they do.  Then there is the whole how I treat myself, why am I not baking all the time, writing that children’s book, sketching on weekends, decorating my house, dining at local restaurant alone, or not doing this or that; because I am scared of how others will perceive me.  Which is why Nicole’s post was so great because she point blank stated you need to do you.  Ok I summarized what she was saying into five words but you get the gist.  At some point in your life you have to realize that there is no one else that can do you and you need to stop fighting yourself and do whatever you fucking want.

 A few days before Nicole’s post came out I made the decision to splurge on a Nespresso machine.  Of course me being me I had to do the math and make sure that it was a wise financial decision.  Even though this machine was for me and only me I still couldn’t help myself and had to go to my Mom and lay out all the numbers and get her opinion.  Not only because I truly do value her opinion but also because I felt I needed her approval.  Which is funny since I am 30 years old, own my own home, and have a job.  She does not control my finances or have any say on where or when I spend my money but yet I still needed her approval.  Luckily for me she was all for it, I think it was the numbers especially since she is an accountant. Which leads me to my current obsession which is of course every latte, cappuccino or espresso I have made in the last 4 days.  I have been blowing up my social media tweeting & instagraming it all the time I am sure everyone is sick and tired of hearing about it but oh well!  I have caught myself second guessing if I should tweet this or that about my machine because I am so excited to have it that I just can’t help myself and you know what that is ok!  This is something that I am in love with right now and it is ok to be a total dork about it and get hyped up on espresso whenever I want because it is what I want.

So not only was I totally inspired by Nicole’s post but she also has a great Change Your Story post which completely relates, because we have to learn that it is ok to make changes to who we are and move forward.  I am not sure if it is more noticeable now because we are so inundated with social media so everything we do is broadcasted to the masses in some way or form.  So we second guess our choices, because people are going to see this or know that we are doing this.  But we have to learn that it is ok to stop doing something or to even start doing something because it is what we need or want to do.  It is up to you to make those changes and to realize that you are your own worst enemy.  We are also our hardest critics, every move we make we over analyze and it just doesn’t make sense. We need to learn to be our biggest cheerleader instead.  I catch myself not wanting to share my blog on my own personal facebook, because I don’t know how people will react.  But why do I care?  Well I care because I want to be liked, we all do.  It is our default reaction to not do something because someone we know may have an opinion on what we are doing.  For me I decided that I wanted to be more active on my blog and try to find my voice online; it is going to have its own struggles.  If I want to share this blog I should and if I don’t then that is OK because this is something I am doing for me.  People on facebook, or twitter are all living their lives doing their things they don’t care that I am over here writing about restaurants, my crappy day, my emo moment with a friend, or even that lovely dinner I cooked last night or maybe they do care and they want to cheer me on who knows.  It is ok for me to choose to not find out right now.

So what I want everyone to do is make sure that you are doing you!  If you want to reconnect with that long lost friend then do so, if you want to hole up on the weekend and not talk to a single soul that is ok too, just do something that is for you and learn one step at a time that it is perfectly acceptable to do things just for you no matter how big or small it is.  Feel free to leave me a comment telling me how you plan to do you I would love to hear about it, because your story may help me or someone else learn how to take that step.

Internal Struggle

I have been having a couple hard days internally.  My brain is over analyzing the things around me and just wont give up.  I posted about a few weeks back about changes in friendship and over this last weekend it just for some reason showed me how much things have changed.  And I am struggling with it, I am a sensitive person anyway, I tend to take things personally whether I should or not.  Most times I can rationalize things and don’t let it get to me other times I just can’t help myself.  The joys of being human we can’t always control our feelings.  So over the weekend I just realized how much I miss having my friend in my corner, but at the same time if they were really in my corner would we even be in this position in the first place?  While I can rationalize that things change for a reason, people leave for a reason it doesn’t make it any easier on your feelings to know these things.

So my brain has been over analyzing the choices I have made and wondering about the choices they made and how we went from being friends to not being friends.  How did we get here, what did we say or do that got us here.  It is the merry-go-round type situation in my head.  Now I know that there are two sides to everything and I am not innocent in the situation.  I can own up to the fact that I made choices as well.  I chose to only reach out the way I have and only so many times.  Eventually it got to the point where I had to decide am I getting anything back?  Should I keep trying or is it time to see if they reciprocate in some way.  So eventually I stopped reaching out in whatever way I had been.  Because I just couldn’t anymore and unfortunately nothing ever came from their end and here we are 5 months later.  And it is funny how out of nowhere you think you are fine with the choices you have made you realize that even though you are ok with them the fact that things have changed you can’t help but feel hurt by the change.  It wasn’t an easy choice for me to make but I know and knew it was the right one for me.  I am sure this is just a moment of sadness because I see how different things are now and time will only heal the scars.