I read this blog post this week that has really stuck with me.  It was over at A Life Less Bullshit; written by the very talented Nicole.  I have been reading her blog for years and she always has this way of saying things that just make you think.  Plus it doesn’t hurt that she isn’t afraid to use all caps and cussing which of course enhances her writing not distract from it, because it just shows you how human she is.  While I have been a fan of hers for awhile nothing has stuck out to me more than her post titled “Do Whatever You Fucking Want”.  I mean right there in the title it is pretty straight forward and so simple; yet so hard to follow.  Which has got me thinking; am I doing whatever I fucking want to do?

I have always seemed to pander to people in my life in some way.  I do what they want to do, hide the way I feel, don’t talk about what is going on with me because they need me to listen to them, and find excuses for why they treat me the way they do.  Then there is the whole how I treat myself, why am I not baking all the time, writing that children’s book, sketching on weekends, decorating my house, dining at local restaurant alone, or not doing this or that; because I am scared of how others will perceive me.  Which is why Nicole’s post was so great because she point blank stated you need to do you.  Ok I summarized what she was saying into five words but you get the gist.  At some point in your life you have to realize that there is no one else that can do you and you need to stop fighting yourself and do whatever you fucking want.

 A few days before Nicole’s post came out I made the decision to splurge on a Nespresso machine.  Of course me being me I had to do the math and make sure that it was a wise financial decision.  Even though this machine was for me and only me I still couldn’t help myself and had to go to my Mom and lay out all the numbers and get her opinion.  Not only because I truly do value her opinion but also because I felt I needed her approval.  Which is funny since I am 30 years old, own my own home, and have a job.  She does not control my finances or have any say on where or when I spend my money but yet I still needed her approval.  Luckily for me she was all for it, I think it was the numbers especially since she is an accountant. Which leads me to my current obsession which is of course every latte, cappuccino or espresso I have made in the last 4 days.  I have been blowing up my social media tweeting & instagraming it all the time I am sure everyone is sick and tired of hearing about it but oh well!  I have caught myself second guessing if I should tweet this or that about my machine because I am so excited to have it that I just can’t help myself and you know what that is ok!  This is something that I am in love with right now and it is ok to be a total dork about it and get hyped up on espresso whenever I want because it is what I want.

So not only was I totally inspired by Nicole’s post but she also has a great Change Your Story post which completely relates, because we have to learn that it is ok to make changes to who we are and move forward.  I am not sure if it is more noticeable now because we are so inundated with social media so everything we do is broadcasted to the masses in some way or form.  So we second guess our choices, because people are going to see this or know that we are doing this.  But we have to learn that it is ok to stop doing something or to even start doing something because it is what we need or want to do.  It is up to you to make those changes and to realize that you are your own worst enemy.  We are also our hardest critics, every move we make we over analyze and it just doesn’t make sense. We need to learn to be our biggest cheerleader instead.  I catch myself not wanting to share my blog on my own personal facebook, because I don’t know how people will react.  But why do I care?  Well I care because I want to be liked, we all do.  It is our default reaction to not do something because someone we know may have an opinion on what we are doing.  For me I decided that I wanted to be more active on my blog and try to find my voice online; it is going to have its own struggles.  If I want to share this blog I should and if I don’t then that is OK because this is something I am doing for me.  People on facebook, or twitter are all living their lives doing their things they don’t care that I am over here writing about restaurants, my crappy day, my emo moment with a friend, or even that lovely dinner I cooked last night or maybe they do care and they want to cheer me on who knows.  It is ok for me to choose to not find out right now.

So what I want everyone to do is make sure that you are doing you!  If you want to reconnect with that long lost friend then do so, if you want to hole up on the weekend and not talk to a single soul that is ok too, just do something that is for you and learn one step at a time that it is perfectly acceptable to do things just for you no matter how big or small it is.  Feel free to leave me a comment telling me how you plan to do you I would love to hear about it, because your story may help me or someone else learn how to take that step.